The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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