so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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