Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I party with great urgency now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
