Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
