When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
