You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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