Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This is classic penis vs brain.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize