Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
