you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
