Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
