I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
