i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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