The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
