i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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