i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
