yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
