she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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