That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
