And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
