if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How external is "for external use only"?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
