the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it's like heaven, but drunker
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
