it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
