if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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