Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
