so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
