My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
