i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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