It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
