apparently the secret to your success is patron
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
