If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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