He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
