I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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