before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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