when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
