I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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