ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
