my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
