I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
