Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
