gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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