I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
