i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
