i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
