your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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