Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
