I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
