cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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