so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
