We're like a lot better than the average bears
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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