So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
