Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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