Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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