You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
