I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
