marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
