I wish my penis had an off switch
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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