Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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