as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
