feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We are two peas in an std pod
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
