He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
