there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
