did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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