You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
