Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
