All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
