just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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