If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
