You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
