thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just had sex on a roof
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
