He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
