My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
